Personal Stories
Lucy's story
Lucy was referred for outreach in June 2003. She had managed to get a property in the Preston area away from her abuser, but needed support. Lucy had been in an on/off relationship with her abuser for several years. He abused her physically, emotionally and sexually. He made her feel worthless and blamed her for things that had gone wrong in his own life.
Lucy suffers from enduring mental health problems. These were made worse by the domestic violence. Lucy found it very difficult to go out alone so a lot of support she received was over the telephone. Eventually with lots of support she made the decision to move herself into her house permanently. This meant that she could now have regular one to one support from the Butterfly Service. Even though Lucy found it difficult living alone in Preston , she persevered because she was determined to put the domestic violence behind her and make a new life for herself.
Lucy was slowly starting to feel a bit better when her abuser turned up on her doorstep and forced her to return to his home in another town. Lucy eventually managed to contact us to tell us what had happened. She was very frightened and couldn't see a way out of the situation. He kept Lucy a prisoner, inflicted abuse including physical abuse and wouldn't let her go out at all. She wasn't even allowed to get her medication. After about three weeks, Lucy escaped and made her way back to Preston , where we had a place in the refuge for her. She finds it painful to talk about what happened to her and each day is a struggle for her. With the support of staff, she is accessing the appropriate mental health services. She has good days and bad days and nightmares about what has happened to her, but she is determined to move forward with her life. She is grateful for the support she receives from Preston Women's Refuge and feels that she could not have got through the past few months without it.
Fists of Affection
Fists of affection punching holes in my heart.
Ripping at my soul and tearing it apart.
Fists of affection that bruise me inside and out.
Taking away my trust in you and turning it into doubt.
Fists of affection stealing away my pride.
Leaving inside the emotional scars I hide.
Fists of affection keeping me captive of fear.
Leaving me imprisoned in every single tear.
Fists of affection are what took my love from you.
They are to blame for us being through.
Fists of affection I will never forget.
They are etched in my memory like every single hit
Now when you sit and wonder why I no longer care
Look at your hands, because your answer lies there!
Written by a Preston Women's Refuge service user
Alison's thoughts
"Having spent the last 2 years in and out of some 8 refuges – upon my transfer to PRESTON it was, to me – just 'another' Refuge, with different faces in, just another location. Upon my arrival and throughout my stay which is now some considerable months PRESTON WOMEN'S REFUGE is not just 'ANOTHER REFUGE'. It might lack the 5 star facilities of some purpose built refuges I have resided in, which in my opinion is understandable as the Refuge, like most – wasn't purpose built. But what the Refuge does offer, which is the more important factor whilst living there – makes if far superior to the other refuges I have stayed in – is the SUPPORT network for women and children from the staff. I can quite honestly say – the involvement and support of the staff makes it not just ANOTHER refuge."
Sally's story
Sally came for Outreach after she had been discharged from an alcohol detox centre. She had been in a relationship for 10 years and suffered physical and emotional abuse. She was hit and punched on a regular basis and was thrown down the stairs. She was made to feel worthless and felt that she was to blame for what was happening to her. She felt totally trapped and couldn't see a way out. She was using alcohol to numb the emotional pain she was feeling.
Eventually, Sally's family managed to get her and her children away from her abuser. She feels that if she hadn't got away she would have ended up dead. Although she eventually divorced her abuser she was still using alcohol to cope with the effects of the Domestic Violence. She was drinking heavily and needed to drink to get through the day. She eventually went into an alcohol detox centre. Sally has not had a drink since coming out of detox and is feeling more positive about life and the future. She has broken free from an abusive relationship and has stopped drinking and is determined to keep moving forward. She still has nightmares and still has times when she feels sadness that her relationship did not work. She is experiencing many different emotions, but finds the outreach helpful because it allows her to talk about what happened, to someone who is not involved on a personal level. She finds it a relief to talk and although Sally's family are very supportive, she doesn't want to hurt them by telling them everything she has been through.
WORDS OF AFFECTION
Words of affection screaming in my ears. Words of affection letting me know your
intentions are clear … putting me in your idea of my place.
Words of affection scaring me to death. Words of affection angering me everyday.
Words of affection make me hate you more each passing day.
Words of affection took all the love I had for you away.
Words of affection forever burned in my soul. A word of affection is just as painful as each and every punch.
Words of affection made me leave you today.
Words of affection killed the love your poor helpless children had for you.
Words of affection made all your family leave you alone.
How is it that you can't see that we are all gone because of your so called "Words of affection"?
Look in the mirror and see your mouth so wide. This is the reason we all had to run away and hide.
Your Words of Affection landed you in jail. Your Words of Affection …. Let me know you blame me when you realise your life has failed.
Your Words of Affection are yours not mine.
This time your words of affection go unheard ………… Because we "SURVIVED"
Written by a PWR service user
Indira's story
Indira has several children and has suffered physical, emotional and financial abuse throughout her 15 years of marriage. She finally found the strength to flee her husband after receiving support from PWR via the Outreach Service. She came to stay in the refuge with some of her children. Indira stayed with us for a period of two months where she received support and help from all the staff. She found the Multi-lingual service very useful as her first language is not English. Indira made the decision to return to her husband as she was missing the other children. However, 2 days later there was another incident of violence and so Indira left again and found another place of safety.
Indira along with one of her children was later re-housed. Indira receives support from a Multi-Lingual Butterfly Service Support worker. She finds this very useful as she has no family in Preston . Indira has come to terms with the fact that her other children may never come to live with her, however, she has slowly managed to rebuild her life. She has enrolled on Computing classes and English classes, which she attends without fail. She is also now able to access the Leisure Centre and the Library on a regular basis, something she couldn't do during her marriage. Indira now feels that she is able to move on with her life and fulfil her dreams and aspirations, one of which is to be able to read and write English fluently.
Thank you from a resident
" To you all!
Well I've been at my lowest here when I arrived and I'm leaving on the biggest high ever.
All I can say will probably never be enough as I have had so much help and support. You have all helped so very much and I can never thank you enough and believe it or not we've had a great time here (in the big brother house). I've felt so at home in such a warm welcoming and secure environment.
Thank you to you all with very, very much love and best wishes always.
xxxxxx
PS I hope one day I will be able to help ladies like you've helped."